Just Keep The Change

Posted: 10 May 2011 10:33 AM PDT

Unless you are with her now, every man has at one point in his life lost his first love. For many men, it is a devastating experience that can be hard to overcome. But read on. This guide will show you exactly how to get over losing your first real love.

It happens to everybody. In fact, I don't know anyone who hasn't had their heart crushed at some point in life. It is more than normal. What isn't as consistent over the whole line, though, is how the person with the broken heart tackles the situation.

Some spend three weeks sobbing, only to return to normal after a few crazy nights out. Some seem to ignore it – only for it to come back later and sting them even harder. Some act out insanely, getting upset about the smallest things and calling the lost love at every hour of the night. And then some never seem to get over it.

It’s always the same story

It's often the same story. Girl leaves guy. Guy can't understand it – what did he do wrong? Closure is next to none. But he doesn't seem to want to move on… Since she was the best he ever had. Sound familiar?

So instead he does all kinds of stupid sh*t to get her back… When really, he could have had fun with hundreds of girls over the same period.

Get over her before chasing her

In my philosophy, what is given to you is what you deserve. And that goes both ways. That's why I don't usually recommend chasing after a girl if she has just broken up with you. Her reason was probably pretty good, and you can use energy more efficiently than chasing after someone who doesn't want you.

Now, of course there are exceptions. Millions of them. But usually, if you get over a girl, magically, your chance of getting her back gets better.

After getting over someone, you have the chance to take a look at them in a new light and take your decision to be with the person more intelligently. You are not blinded by feelings, like you are if you are heartbroken. And when you have less to lose (read: you don't care as much), you will seem more sexy and confident in her eyes.

Who would want a crying loser back? Not me. I'd rather go back to someone who has grown in the process, so the relationship can continue developing in a positive direction. Wouldn't you?

The best way to grow is to get over her

The best way to grow is to get over your lost love, so you can focus on the more important things in your life than being sad: friendship, hobbies, sports, education etc. Amazingly, focusing on these things help with getting over her as you are focusing on something else… and the circle continues, until you've fully healed.

How can you know that she's the best out there?

When a client asks me how to get over his first love, one of my first questions back is usually: "how can you know that she's the best out there?"

Often, he can't. But he won't admit it. His brain is wired to try to stay with what is familiar, since new = dangerous. But new is also exciting, refreshing and fun.

And I know that she was wonderful. Caring, loving, smart… I get the drift. But I can tell you this much: she is not the only one. Far from it. I get a lot of email every single day from guys who have trouble getting over their ex-girlfriends. And they're all perfect. How many (single) perfect girls does that give us? A helluva lot! So don't sweat it – there is definitely not a shortage of girls in the world.

Life is far from over

Your life is far from over. Think about all the things you have time to do now that you didn't have before. And here is a little secret: most of your friends are probably glad that you and her are through… Now you can have fun with them and get hammered just like you used to, without thinking about when you should be home and what "she would think".

Losing your first love happens to everybody. Everybody had a girlfriend once that they do not have now. That's the circle, folks. But you are getting stronger, tougher and cooler, and the next girl will be better, I promise.

It would be really interesting to hear some of your positive stories about how losing your first love actually helped you in some way or the other.

You go first – I'll share mine in the comments as well.

Image by Bethan.

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Wednesday 11 May 2011