Just Keep The Change

“Should I be friends with my ex-girlfriend?” – Answering the Question

Posted: 30 Jun 2012 11:09 AM PDT

"Should I remain friends with my ex?"

I often get the question: "Should I be friends with my ex-girlfriend?" and to that, I have two answers. The short one is a blatant "no", and the longer one is a "…maybe". But it depends.

Read on if you want to know to whom I give each of the answers – and why…

The "straight NO!" answer

If you aren’t over her at all, being friends with an ex-girlfriend can be very tough. The situation often goes something like this:

It starts with a break-up and evolves into one of you (perhaps you) getting more hurt than she seems to be. She then wants to be or remain friends with you, because she says she misses you and wants to hear how you are doing.

If you then agree, it’s usually because you miss her presence too, and mixing that with not being over her… Well.. It’s just not a good cocktail.

It often ends with you being even more hurt because it simply draws out the whole healing phase by her constantly being available without actually being available at all.

You’ll spend unnecessary energy thinking about when she’ll call or what something she said really meant.

You’ll also usually have a slight hope that in fact she wants to get back together with you.

And that may be the case. Maybe she wants to kiss you or sleep with you again – but it’s very difficult to tell. And if you made the decision to go different directions with a break-up, you did that for a reason stronger than a primal instinct wanting to make babies and you should therefore trust it and STICK WITH IT.

You’ll spend unnecessary energy thinking about when she’ll call or what something she said really meant.

So in short, the answer no is for anybody not COMPLETELY over their ex-girlfriends. If you aren’t sure if you’re completely over her, you most definitely aren’t.

And even if you are, do tread carefully. It can be very difficult to know for sure, so take it slow and be certain that you aren’t lying to yourself in any way.

The answer maybe

This is for anybody who haven’t been talking to their ex in a while and who actually miss hearing about how she is doing and what she has been up to.

The answer maybe is for you if you can think back on your relationship with a slight smirk on your face and with no bad feelings attached to it AT ALL.

I’d say that very few people should find themselves in this category – and especially if the break-up happened during the last 6 to 12 months.

But they exist, and if it’s you, I salute you.

Being friends with an ex-girlfriend can give you a lot of great conversations reminiscing about good old times all while teaching you more about who you were as a boyfriend and who you are as a man.

To strike up the contact, just call her up and invite her for a short walk or a cop of something hot and cozy. Strike up some memories, laugh about it and call it a day.

It’s great if that gives you a good feeling in your stomach or some kind of closure.

So to conclude…

I rarely say that you should be friends with your ex-girlfriend. It usually leads to you being more hurt than necessary and a friendship that won’t last.

But IT IS possible. It all depends on the relationship you were in, the girl and the process you have been through afterwards.

If you feel like you have moved into a new phase of your life BUT still feel like you want to include her presence sporadically, be my guest.

Friendships with ex-girlfriends can teach you a whole lot about who you are as a person and can benefit you greatly… If you are ready for it.

Now I’ll give the word to you. Are you friends with any of your ex’s? Have you tried and failed? Let me know all about it in the comments!

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Sunday 1 July 2012