Just Keep The Change

How to Make Your Future Girlfriend Like You for Who You Are and Where to Meet Her

Posted: 27 Mar 2012 10:05 AM PDT

A lot of men have been asking me almost the same question lately, and it goes something along the lines of “I don’t have a problem getting dates with girls, but I have a problem getting them to stick around and keeping them interested. How do I keep them intrigued, and how do I get it to go as far as to evolve into a relationship?”

Even though dating lots of girls and having short relationships with some of them can feel fulfilling for a while, what most guys really want is a girl with whom he can share his life. A girl to live with, laugh with, go on vacation with, to love, and if everything goes well, perhaps also start a family with.

To get to this level of intimacy with another human being sounds difficult on paper, but is really the most natural thing in the world to do when it all comes down to it. When you have some basic foundations down, the rest is a breeze and shouldn’t feel forced in any way.

Where to meet your future girlfriend

Let me start out by making one thing clear: going into a conversation with a girl expecting her to be your future girlfriend will not help your endeavors – and so will thinking that the girl you met a week ago will be your future wife, neither. But more on expectations later on.

Meeting girls with “romantic potential” is not difficult – it can be done anywhere. But if you want to find a quality girl (and you want to find a quality girl, but more on that later on, too) you can help yourself a whole lot by not just looking at, but also being at, the right places.

Your lifestyle

And being at the right places really comes down to your lifestyle – which kind of person are you? What do you like to do, and what don’t you like to do?

If you’re into intelligent women, it makes sense to hang out at places where there’s a probability that intelligent women also like to hang out. And as you like intelligent women, you’re most likely intelligent yourself. So why don’t you go to a book club? Or if you like women who are into health and fitness, why don’t you go to the gym or to a yoga class?

Point is, to meet the kind of woman that you find attractive, you have to hang out at places where they hang out. And where you hang out comes down to your lifestyle – so if you feel like you don’t meet the women you’d like to meet, you have to make a few changes to yours.

Do something!

So in short, do stuff that you like to do, stuff that you think you might like to do and stuff you know you like but for some reason or the other just don’t do because of procrastination.

If you start doing that, there’s no chance that you won’t meet more interesting women – while showing yourself to be more interesting at the same time, too.

Volunteering places (homeless shelters, animal caring), cooking classes, fitness and dance classes, acting classes and language classes are all good places.

But it’s important to note that your sole purpose for going to these places shouldn’t be to meet girls – it should be to have fun, meet some like minded people and to learn something new.

Where to meet your future girlfriend

What to do when you meet her

As I said earlier, it’s generally not a good idea to have too high expectations about a girl, and the reason is twofold: First of all, before you know her intimately (in all senses of the word), you don’t really know how well you fit together. And before you do that, you shouldn’t put her on a pedestal as you simply don’t know if she’s worth it.

And secondly, thinking “more” about a girl than what’s realistic can really creep her out – and especially if she’s what I’d call a ‘high quality girl’; high self-esteem, confident, independent and cute as h**l – she will see it as a huge sign that you aren’t what in turn would be called a high quality man.

So what you should do instead is to take things slow in a natural tempo. Get to know her casually (while keeping that sly smile of yours), spend some time with her and do some things together that you both enjoy.

So now we’re actually where the whole question originated. You have met her, you have approached her and now you’re dating.

So now you wanna keep it going, perhaps taking it to a fully blown exclusive relationship?

Taking it further

Well, first of all let’s talk about qualifying. Is she worth it? Is she the kind of girl that you would like to spend your future with? If not, don’t be a d**k and let her think otherwise. And perhaps even more important, don’t fool yourself into thinking that you “should” like her or that it’s the right thing to do or some other bullshit. If you don’t see the potential or don’t see yourself loving her for years on end, don’t even think about going there.

If she is worth it though, you’re in luck. There’s no ambiguity on your part and you can act honestly.

One thing that I see going wrong too often is the man not being totally clear about his intentions. This the woman of course will pick up on way before him, and that will lead to her not being able to trust him completely. This will confuse him and make him even more unsure and there you have it – a perhaps beautiful relationship down the drain, just because he didn’t know what he wanted.

Know what you want and you will get it

So always always always be sure of yourself and what you want. You don’t have to know that you want to share your life with her – just know that you see potential in her and that you would like to get to know her better.

And as long as you can do it without coming off as an insecure ass-licker, I see no problem in telling her about your intentions. You have to be both brave and bold to tell a girl that you would genuinely like to get to know her even better, and she will appreciate it. If not for you actually liking her (who knows, maybe she just came out of an abusive relationship and needs some time – whatever the reason) she will at least respect you for having the balls to know what you want and then actually going after it.

So that was it for managing expectations, qualifying her and your intentions. Now let’s take a look on how you make yourself attractive to her.

How to really be attractive to women

A lot has been said on the subject of becoming the type of man that women will crave to be with. A lot of good things have be said, but underneath it all, it seems like there has been a huge misconception.

A lot of the advice like being fit, dressing well, smelling good etc. makes a lot of sense from the perspective that some traits are universally attractive to women. And I agree – a lot of traits are.

Know who you are

But what really is most attractive to women is that you know who you are, and that you do all that stuff because it aligns with you, not because it aligns with someone’s expectations or some generalities that may or may not be true.

If you know what you want out of life and how to get it and then actually also live your life after that, I’ll tell you one thing: THAT’S attractive.

Forget six-pack’s, fitted suits, nice cars, grooming and good food. Hell, even forget the environment for just a moment.

If you are capable of following your own moral code for what’s right and wrong, if you know how to make yourself proud and how to challenge yourself and how to grow and how to become truly happy, that really is what is most attractive in the end.

Sure, most women would like a man that they don’t feel ashamed about and a man that is capable to take care of both them and the children someday. But that’s not really the point – it’s not the “level” I am thinking about.

Passion

What I really am talking about is your passion. Follow your heart, and the rest will come naturally. Mix that in with being honest and taking some good decisions along the road, and you have a pretty foolproof recipe for a good life.

If you know what makes you happy, and you act on that, all the time, nothing can get to you. No rejection can throw you off track and no failure is a failure.

If you don’t know what makes you happy though, you have to do some soul-searching. Supply that with doing a lot of things that you find interesting, and you will find out sooner than later.

Conclusion

This is by no means everything when it comes to getting and keeping a girlfriend in your life. But if you abide by at least some of these things, your chances of finding that special girl will be somewhere around 23 to 65% better. Seriously.

Now let me know what you think in the comments. What do you think is important when trying to keep a girl or to find out if she’s “worth it” for a long-term relationship?

Ps. And by the way, I have been having some trouble with the discussion board lately and have been forced to remove them, at least momentarily, because of spam issues. Sorry for the inconvenience!

Images by Abdulmajeed and EpSos.

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Wednesday 28 March 2012